Going through a surgery, major or minor, can be a source of anxiety for parents and children. While some surgeries, particularly emergencies, do not lend themselves towards excessive preparation, your child needs reassurance and support from their family before, during and after any surgical procedure.

Before we dive in, recognize that every surgery and every child is different. A low-anxiety kid going under a light anesthetic to have tubes place in their ears will need much less reassurance than a high-anxiety child going in for a potentially life-threatening procedure. By following the tips below, you can be a pillar of strength and comfort for your child and ease your own anxieties in the process.

1. Talk About the Surgery with Your Child

The type and amount of information you give to your child about their upcoming surgery will be based on their maturity level and age. You may sit down with your older child and go over the anatomy of their surgery in a book, while discussing the benefits and possible drawbacks that come along with the surgery.

For a younger child, you may check some books out of the library about going to the hospital, talk about their type of surgery and what they should expect during the process. If you are preparing your very young child for a non-routine procedure, reassure them that the doctors are experts and have performed their type of surgery many times before.

2. Bring Comfort Objects Along for the Ride

If your child has a special comfort object, take it with you to the hospital. Most hospitals will allow your child to take their comfort object with them into the operating room and, while “Spot” may be stowed under the table during the procedure, your child will have it when they fall asleep and it will be there when they wake up. Have your child’s favorite drinks and, if allowed, food items available soon after surgery.

Remembering what to bring to the hospital can be daunting, especially when you’re already stressed. Once you have everything together for your child, you will invariably forget to bring something for yourself. Below is a list of things for you and for your child (age dependant).

For you: For your child:
Referral paperwork Swaddle blankets for babies
Identification Pajamas/comfortable clothes
Insurance Card(s) Your child’s special toy
Hair ties (if needed) DVD player/laptop
Slippers or socks with rubber soles Toys for babies
Change for vending machines Books
Snacks Magna doodle
Water/drinks Gaming system
Comfy clothes (dark colors hide stains) Puzzle books
Phone charger A list of the meds your child is on
Cell phone Mylar balloon for little ones (if allowed)
iPad Your child’s formula or breast milk
Books Ziploc baggies
Cards Wipes/diapers
Camera Antibacterial wipes
Medication Pacifiers
Breast pump (if needed) Tissues
Shampoo Your child’s sippy cup or bottle (if allowed)
Toothbrush/toothpaste Soap
Any other toiletries Brush
Pillow and blanket Toothbrush/toothpaste
Your own hand or facial soap

3. Prepare for Your Child’s Hospital Stay and Homecoming

If your child needs to stay overnight in the hospital, check with staff to verify what items you can and cannot bring. For most hospital stays, your child will wear a gown most of the time. To help make them more comfortable, a set of pajama pants, sweatpants or leggings might be of comfort. For babies, using baby legwarmers will help them stay warmer but will not make diaper changes difficult.

Once your child is in their room, you may or may not get the opportunity to leave depending on hospital policy. Make sure to check rules before your child’s surgery so you are well prepared.

4. Don’t Let Your Worry Show

If you are anxious, chances are good that your child is going to pick up on those feelings. Let them talk to you about their concerns and address them with care. Try not to let your worry and concern creep into the conversation. That will do nothing but fuel your already anxious child’s emotional state. Keep a positive attitude when you are with your child (even if you are very worried).

5. Give Them Some Leeway

Before and after surgery, be sensitive to your child’s needs. You will likely notice changes in their behavior. They may act unkindly towards their sibling(s) more than usually or cry about things that would not normally bother them. The reality is that, if they are old enough, they are likely as nervous about the surgery as you are. Give them a little room with their behavior and chores, and offer a reassuring hug whenever it is needed.

6. Lavish the Love

In the weeks, hours and minutes leading up to surgery, give your child as many hugs and kisses as you can. Your support is something that they need during this time whether they know it or not.

7. Accept Support

When you come home from the hospital with your child, you may find that you need a lot more help than you originally thought. If you have younger or older children, they will still need to be cared for. Dinner and laundry will still be there and your post-op patient is going to need more care and extra love. If you are part of a community, accept support that comes your way whether it is a neighbor offering to host your younger child for a play date or your mother-in-law who offers to cook you dinner.

Whether your child is going in for a minor procedure or headed to the hospital for a major surgery, stay strong, be positive and keep the preceding tips in mind.

Beth N. Davis writes from Rockville, MD where she and her husband are raising their four children.