As I sit here alone in an abandoned meeting room at my office, pumping for the third time today, I can’t help but feel a moment of self-righteousness.

Fifteen ounces.

Four bottles.

One major accomplishment.

“Look at me working so hard to ensure I provide sustenance for my child. Go me!”

This smugness is short-lived, however, as the next thought that pops into my mind is of those mothers who are saddened to be unable to breast feed, and more mothers still, who excel in all the ways I fail. After all, breast milk is not the measure of a mommy (no matter how many ounces you pump in a day’s work or how many months you’re able to nurse). And while I might still be nursing, I’m the mom who turns her baby over to daycare and goes to work all day. Fortunately, the amount of days you’re able to stay at home with your children is not the measure of a mommy either.

So, what is the measure of a mommy?

What gauge can we mothers use to determine success?

If it’s not the ounces of milk we pump, the amount of kisses we give, or the number of PTA meetings attended, what is it?

It seems to me—and I’m new at this thing called motherhood—there is no standard of measurement (although it would be nice to have a measuring stick to guide us along the way), just as there are no two children alike, no two pregnancies the same and no identical styles of parenting. We come in all shapes and sizes offering our unconditional, all-consuming love to our children the best way we know how.

There is no winning combination of actions, even though others sometimes make us feel that there is. You know, the moms who share their recipe for a perfect sleeper and for getting their babies to talk and walk before everyone else’s—those pushy advice givers who have it all figured out.

Over the past year of my daughter’s life, if I’ve learned anything at all it is this: Ignore the advice, and have fun figuring it out on your own. Every minute you waste comparing your technique to other moms, your children to other kiddos, or your ability to juggle motherhood, marriage and career to seemingly “together” women, is a minute you miss enjoying your own crazy beautiful life.

Lindsay Irvin with her husband, Michael, and their daughter, Grace Caroline.

Lindsay Irvin is the editor of Arkansas Bride and other publications at Arkansas Business Publishing Group. Lindsay’s best piece of mommy advice is to ignore all the advice you get—create your own mommy handbook. This month, she and her husband Michael will celebrate their daughter Grace Caroline’s first birthday.