National Infertility Awareness Week is April 19-25. This year’s theme is “You Are Not Alone”. The word “awareness” means the ability to perceive, feel or to be conscious of events, thoughts, emotions or objects. RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association reports that one in eight couples struggles with infertility. Considering that statistic, clearly people are not alone. Then why do we feel so alone when we experience infertility? Why does there seem to still be a lack of awareness? Why does the topic cause such social awkwardness?

My husband and I struggled with infertility for years prior to becoming parents. Also, just in my life I’ve known numerous couples who have grappled with the heart wrenching stress and sorrow of infertility. In the spirit of this year’s theme, real central Arkansas women who have traveled the path of infertility share their thoughts and wisdom with Little Rock Family readers. Our hope is to bring awareness and help others to cope, heal and flourish as women, friends, wives and mothers.

Alison

After dealing with infertility I decided to lead a support group at my church. I met so many fabulous people I am still friends with today. One of the things I always suggested was making sure you have a plan all the way through the process. If one thing doesn’t work, have your next step ready. One of the hardest things is not knowing what to do next. You can have basic steps in mind. Game planning empowers you to make the next step and gives you something to think about and cling to when you’re going through the cycle of not getting pregnant.

It’s also healthy for your relationship with your spouse to put a time limit on how much you talk about the infertility every day. Men need to know the marriage is not lost and your relationship is going to keep going. You are partners in this.

Brittany

The most helpful thing is to be there and listen or if we need to cry—acknowledging the situation and empathizing. Infertility is an awkward and uncomfortable topic. Don’t avoid the topic though because that can be more hurtful. Don’t compare one situation with another, because it’s such an individual journey. Suggestions and advice can get very overwhelming.

We take comfort now in the idea that things don’t always happen on our time and we’re waiting for God to show us when that time is. We’re working on bettering ourselves and preparing for the time that we will be parents. How ever it happens, that’s how God wants it to happen.

Georgia

The worst thing to say to a woman who can’t get pregnant is “You are still young. Just relax. It will happen.” That hurts so badly and dismisses and minimizes our feelings of emptiness and urgency. An empty womb was like not having oxygen to breathe at times. It was a feeling of suffocating and could not be soothed. Most women are born with the desire to bear children and it is feels like such a personal failure when your body will not operate the way it was intended. It crushed my self-esteem. Activities that absorbed my mind helped. Any activity may work as long as it consumes your total thinking.

From a husband’s perspective, the loss of control of not being able to give me what I wanted so badly was tormenting. Being silent when he didn’t know what to say caused great tension because that was misconstrued as not caring. Of course that wasn’t true but it contributed to undercurrents of conflict between us.

Kellie

For us, it was two years of stress, stress, stress. Once we slowed down and realized it was either going to happen or it wasn’t and thought about all of the other options, we eventually became pregnant. It’s easier said than done, but reducing the stress and strain on yourself will help your body.

Mindy

Don’t give up and don’t get bitter. This is a journey for you to find the child that is meant for you and you only. The journey will be hard and at times painful, but it will be worth it. Keep your mind and heart open. Think about adoption and other ways to get YOUR baby. The love and appreciation you will feel when you hold them in your arms will fill and cure the hole inside of you. When you’re going through it, you don’t think you’ll ever be on the other side of it. If only you could know it will be ok.

Infertility Etiquette

Do's Don'ts
Let them know that you care. Don’t tell them to relax.
Be informed and interested. Don’t minimize the problem.
Ask them what they need. Don’t say there are worse things that could happen.
Provide extra outreach to your male friends who may be suffering in silence. Don’t say they’re not meant to be parents.
When appropriate, encourage therapy. Don’t say, “You’re young. You have plenty of time to have a baby.”
Support their choice to stop treatment. Don’t gossip about your friend’s condition.
Attend difficult appointments with them. Don’t complain about your pregnancy.
If you are pregnant, deliver the news thoughtfully. Don’t question their sadness about being unable to conceive.
  Don’t ask whose “fault” it is or assume it’s the female factor.