Suicide Awareness: A Father's Painful Advice
When Alex Blackwood started his freshman year at the University of Central Arkansas in 2008, he had everything in the world he could ask for, except hope.
His dad came to that painful conclusion after Oct. 16 of that year — the Thursday that 19-year-old Alex died by suicide.
After starting college a year late so that he could extend a championship career in quarter horse competitions, Alex had come home for a long fall weekend. Fishing tackle and golf clubs were in his vehicle. “Obviously suicide wasn’t on his planned agenda,” his dad, Steven Blackwood, says.
“He was harder on himself than anyone, with the disciplined perfection required of a champion. So a big-hearted kid who would give you the shirt off his back suddenly found himself suffering with intense and worsening pain. Depression had snuck in on Alex and appears to have totally consumed him.”
Looking back, Steven says he believes Alex “would be here today if I had been knowledgeable about depression and aware of the risks. If I had really known, he would have known.”
In the eight years since Alex’s death, Steven and his wife, Cindi, have been beacons for awareness about depression and suicide, a cause that dominates Steven’s life. “I want others to learn from our loss. It is too late for us, but it is not too late for others. Depression is treatable and suicide is preventable. We have to make depression a household word, and talk about it like we would discuss any other common ailment.”
Steven, a Little Rock real estate executive and strategic consultant, speaks frequently on depression and is a registered trainer with Living Works Education. He’s launching a mass media plan focused on emotional health later this year, raising awareness and offering free resources for prevention. For more information, he urges calling 888-901-5554.
“Nobody wants to talk about depression, and nobody wants to even think about suicide. We teach our kids to be strong, to be successful in the world. We don’t always teach them that yes, life sucks sometimes.”
Steven, Cindi and their daughter Ariel shared in the 2016 Marie Interfaith Civic Leadership Award for their work in suicide prevention. Ariel, 13 when Alex died, is now a 21-year-old senior at Furman University in South Carolina and the founding director of Camp Alex, which serves adolescents who have lost relatives or close friends to suicide.
Steven says he wishes he had let Alex know how common depression is, and emphasized that dark times come to everyone, but the darkness recedes. “He didn’t know what he was going through is very common.”
Arkansas has a higher reported suicide rate than most states with more than 17 per 100,000, compared with 12.6 per 100,000 nationwide. Steven calls it an epidemic.
“When I was a kid people wouldn’t talk about breast cancer, and it was only after awareness was raised that women realized they could check themselves and get screenings, and that awareness saved many lives.” Getting people to talk about depression and suicide could have the same effect, he says.
“It’s most important not to be ashamed. Those who turn to suicide are looking to escape intense pain. They don’t want to die, they simply want the pain to stop. Together, we can let them know that there is hope.”
What to Watch For
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says depression, often undiagnosed, is the most common condition associated with suicide. Other conditions like anxiety and substance problems are also risk factors. The foundation says these are things concerned friends and family members should look out for:
• Any talk about being a burden to others, feeling trapped, being in unbearable pain, having no reason to live, or broaching the subject of suicide.
• Behavior like increased alcohol or drug use, internet searches for ways to end a life, reckless actions, withdrawal from activity, isolation from family and friends, excessive or insufficient sleep, calls or visits to say goodbye, giving away prized possessions, or unusual aggression.
• Mood changes like gloom and depression, a loss of interest, rage, irritability, and ideas of humiliation.
• Conditions that increase suicide risk, including emotional health issues like depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline or antisocial personality disorder, psychotic symptoms, anxiety disorders, substance abuse addictions and chronic health conditions or persistent physical pain.
For more information, visit afsp.org or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.