Elizabeth Smart

She is demure, stunning, poised, warm and wise beyond her years. She is Elizabeth Smart. She was the 14-year-old girl in Salt Lake City, Utah whose kidnapping by Brian David Mitchell and Wanda Barzee in 2002 captured the attention of a nation. She is the same young lady who still holds our attention today, not only because of what she endured, but because of what she has become. She has become a champion for abused children. She advocates for awareness and action. She advocates for my child, your child and every child.

I had the honor of visiting with Elizabeth when she was in Little Rock recently. She was the featured speaker at an event supporting Arkansas Children’s Hospital’s fundraising initiatives for the Children’s House, a comprehensive care facility for children and families affected by abuse. The 23,000 square-foot building will consolidate all child maltreatment programs into one location close to the hospital’s new Emergency Department—providing a seamless transition from inpatient to outpatient care.

In her 2013 book “My Story,” Elizabeth chronicles her nine-month-long abuse and torture at the hands of her kidnappers and how through her faith and the love of her family, she survived the ordeal to become a warrior for children’s rights. She dedicated her book to “the safe return of missing children everywhere.” She is now married and President of the Elizabeth Smart Foundation, which advocates for change in the areas of child abduction and recovery programs and legislation.

While preparing for the interview, my mind made one of those connections that paralyzes you for a moment. Hanging in my thoughts, it gripped my throat and made me shiver. Elizabeth was 14 when she was abducted. My daughter is 14. My mind swirled with emotion. I couldn’t even comprehend the gravity of the situation for Elizabeth, for her family… for her mother.

Instead of asking Elizabeth to re-tell her ordeal in the interview, I asked her what she would say to my daughter or any other girl or boy out there that might encounter abuse at some point in their lives. If she were to write them a letter, what would she say? What would she say to parents? She graciously poured out her heart.

From Elizabeth to Your Child

I would say a lot! I would want them to know that despite what has happened, you are still special. You were born with value and no one can take that away. You can never be cheapened. Bad things happen and you are not alone. Make the decision to not allow this to ruin your life. You can become a doctor, a mom, a writer, anything. There are a lot of options like advocacy centers where people care and want to help. There is a wealth of resources to help you along your journey. It’s not a one size fits all and that’s okay.

For me, music was a big part of my healing. I play the harp. I always felt like I could play what I felt. It was a release. Celebrate each little triumph along the way. Be goal-oriented. Sometimes just to get out of bed is a big deal. Then you can make new goals. Take it at your own pace, maybe just one a month. It’s okay.

More than anything, please don’t feel guilty or responsible. The abuse, rape and kidnapping were not my fault. No one has the right to do that to anyone. Just like wearing a skirt doesn’t give anyone the right to rape you. Even if you feel that it’s easier to let the abuse go, don’t. That abuser is probably abusing someone else. It’s a real battle. Maybe it’s a boyfriend. Even if you love them, if it’s against your will, it is not okay. Don’t carry that pain around with you the rest of your life.

Live life. Go out and do the things you wanted to do before the abuse. My grandfather said, “If you look back in 20 years and think you should’ve tried it, then do it. It’s how we learn.”

From Elizabeth to You

Please talk to your child and be involved in your child’s life. It will help. These kinds of things happen. Talk with your child about what to do. Practice screaming and kicking and that it’s essential to fight back. Not all adults are good. Even if you meet someone once, they’re still a stranger.

If your child comes to you, always believe them. Always take your child’s side. Their safety is more important than a rift in the family. There are so many fabulous resources for parents too. You don’t have to fight it on your own.

Your child needs to remain your #1 focus and they will go on. This doesn’t have to follow them around the rest of their life. Be there for them until they’re ready to talk to you. My family loved me and treated me like they always did. They saw me for me and not what had happened. That line of communication is so important. Don’t think about things from an adult perspective or rationale. Think about things from a kid’s perspective.

From Elizabeth to Us All

Instead of asking “Why me?” I asked “Why not me?” I have a happy, secure, supportive family. I wanted to help people and now I already have a voice in this area. I have a stage. I’ve become more and more engrossed in this “life calling.” It’s easy to get caught up in it being a losing battle, but meeting people who are making a difference every day gives me courage to keep fighting. My favorite thing is just seeing all of the people who care. It’s so hope-inspiring and makes everything worth it. I want people to remember that one person CAN make a difference. I’m hopeful and hope-filled.