One of the great ironies of parenting is that we work incredibly hard to set our kids up for success in life, but do very little to prepare them to handle that success once they attain it. We push them to succeed academically, help them get into the right colleges, and buy them the right clothes for their first big job interview. But we also fail to teach them how to handle money in a way that keeps them from digging financial holes that they spend the rest of their lives climbing out of.

Young adults who fail financially do so for two reasons. First, they cannot discern between reckless expenditures and those that build their future. Second, they’ve got very little patience for the delayed gratification that goes along with goal setting. Put those together and you may raise someone who spends 110 percent of what they earn at that first job, which is a problem no matter how great of a salary it comes with.

To give your kids the best chance of being money-smart adults, you should look for three important teachable moments throughout their childhood. Taking advantage of these moments that prime the pump for critical thinking skills about money and teach them that they’re in control of their financial destinies.

1. Be a visible decision maker. Money skills, just like every other life skill, are best learned from one’s parents. If mom and dad simply pay for everything without any visible consideration, discussion or wrestling, it can send the message that purchase decisions are simple and done on a whim. Parents that fail to talk out loud with their children about the financial decision-making that leads to a new house, car or vacation miss a huge opportunity. By discussing your reasoning, you help a child understand: why those things were purchased instead of another option; why they were purchased now instead of later; and that you’ve actually been wanting to do those things for a long-time (delayed gratification).

The best time to have this conversation is on the way to or from a big purchase. Use the ride to or from the car dealership to ask your kids, “Do you know why we bought this new car now?” Use the airplane trip to or from your next vacation to ask your kids “Do you know why take trips like this once per year instead of every month?”

2. Require them to save for purchases. A child who has lived the first 20 years of their life without ever having to “save up” for something will naturally struggle with that same behavior later in life. Countless young adults spend the first decade of their working life paying off credit cards used to purchase items they “had to have.” If someone would have taught them the art of saving for a future goal, they would be more likely to avoid a decade of financial missteps and trying to pay off debt. They’d enter their 30’s with a head start on saving for a house, retirement and other big goals.

Make it a requirement that your kids always be saving for something and provide them with an income stream to save from (chores and allowance, until they’re old enough to hold part-time jobs). Whether it is the video game that they really want when they’re 8 years old, the phone they can’t live without when they’re 13, or the car that will rock everyone’s world at 16, make them put some skin in the game. Force them to save for some or all of the cost of these things (at least half). You’ll be amazed how money stops burning holes in their pocket when it keeps them from getting what they really have their hearts set on.

3. Add up the cost of useless items. During my college years, my father once confessed to me that his closet full of custom-made suits had become useless after he put on a few pounds and his workplace adopted “business casual” as their standard attire. He laughed about how he had spent thousands of dollars on clothes he’d never wear again and how he wished he could trade them in for a trip to Hawaii. It was a lesson that stuck with me and has kept me from overspending on items that will most likely be temporary parts of my life.

You can provide a similar lesson every time you clean out a closet or your kids’ playroom. As they help you bag up the items going to your local charity, pull out the calculator and add up the estimated purchase price of all those items you’re about to give away. Help your child to see that all this money was spent on things that are no longer needed or wanted, and ask the provocative question of “what would you buy with all that money if you still had it?”

Ken Clark is the Clinical Director of Chenal Family Therapy PLC. In addition to being a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and former financial planner, Ken is the author of four books in the “Complete Idiot’s Guide” series on personal finance. You can learn more about Ken’s practice at ChenalTherapy.com and follow Ken’s blog at WorkPlaySoul.com.