October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month and to address this complicated subject, we spoke with Ashley Petray, a mental health therapist with Methodist Family Health. She addressed steps for bullying prevention and tips on how to talk to your child if he or she is being bullied, or if he or she is being a bully.

Warning Signs to Look Out For

If you think your child is being bullied, Petray advises parents to look for significant changes in your child’s mood, behavior and changes in interactions with others. It will be common for children to come home with bruises, marks and scratches without a good explanation. Another tip-off is missing belongings. When it comes to behavior, watch out for a decline in grades, eagerness to miss school, difficulty sleeping, nightmares and instances of bedwetting along with complaints of stomachaches and headaches. Keep an eye out for mood changes including irritability, anxiety and isolation from friends and family.

On the flip side, there are signs to look out for if you think your child may be the bully. "Children who bully generally don’t feel good about themselves, or else they wouldn’t bully,” Petray said.

Children who bully can be concerned with being in control and having power over others. They also tend to get easily frustrated or respond aggressively. Oftentimes, if there are stressors at home or if people around them use violence to solve problems, the child will pick up on those behaviors.

Proactive Measures

Before bullying occurs, there are things you can do proactively to open the dialogue about bullying with your child. On the front end, it’s a good idea to have common conversations with your child about the specifics of what bullying is and what bullying isn’t. 

Another important aspect of bullying prevention is to be involved with all aspects of your child’s life. It’s also important to monitor your child’s internet use and keep an eye out for problematic interactions.

“I usually ask the kids I work with these two questions,” Petray said. “‘Who did you sit with at lunch?’ and ‘Who did you play with at recess?’” 

If Bullying Does Occur

If you find out bullying has occurred, Petray says it’s not always likely that the child will tell the parent, but it’s always important to take the bullying report seriously. As a parent, you should meet with school staff and work on a plan to address the issue. If bullying occurs online, you can usually block the user or report inappropriate posts.

“If threats are planned with specific action or a weapon, that elevates the issue to the level where the police need to get involved,” Petray said. Another option is to contact a mental health professional.

What You Can Do as a Parent

When it comes to setting a good example for your kids, there are plenty of easy ways to show how situations can be handled without violence. Generally, most kids who bully are coming from stressful situations at home. Caregivers should not call a sales girl an idiot for getting an order wrong in front of a child. Instead, use that interaction as a teaching moment for handling conflict in a calm manner.

“Children are greatly affected by how parents deal with conflict,” Petray said.

This post was originally shared on littlerockfamily.com in 2017.